A Promised Kept: Single For A Year

Hey everyone! I pray that everyone is doing well and staying safe with your loved ones. Given the times that we are currently in it has made us appreciate the small and simple things in life before everything changed. None of us expected to be where we are right now and trying our best to adjust to the “new social norm”. I decided to make this post just a little different and talk about a promise I made to myself and told no one. When you do not want something precious questioned to death you will keep it to yourself right? Well some people do while others want to share everything with the world. I honestly value the phrase “ private life happy life” in which I have fully adopted in every aspect of my life. By maintaining a little mystery makes you more interesting as a person because as we know everything is super overexposed. My disclaimer for this post: my purest intentions is to help those in any way that I can with the experiences I have had in my life thus far. I am in a constant state of change and therefore it has always been in my best interest to flow as much as possible. So without further delay here is a little peek at my journey. Enjoy!

In the first few days of July in 2019, I slowly witnessed the end of my two year relationship with a toxic, narcissistic, and stoic individual who showed me a few months after a major car accident that could have cost me my life how little he cared. Was I upset? Yes, beyond anything because he took so much more than he gave. As I prepared myself to be single again, I started to work out and take care of myself on a much deeper spiritual level. I was reminded that I had several things that I wanted to accomplish so looking into dating was not an option and so far from my mind. July 15, 2019 I woke up that day and just said “ I am over this shit!” Right then and there I made a promise to myself to stay single for a year to get to know this new me, embrace what life had to offer, get healthy and really focus on my art and writing my books/blog. I was happy that the cycle of my life was over and embraced what I learned. In going about my business and exactly 5 days later I met someone that wasn’t like anyone I met before. First thing said was “ God you got jokes… I am not looking to meet new people right now.” Of course I am Taurus and it takes an act of God to change my mind and then the words of my late cousin came through “ stay open and receptive.” So I followed suit and just flowed...I was due for some new energy and new friends why the hell not? Long story short, he happened to be in town. We talked the remainder of that night (July 20th to be exact) to about 2 am the next day. We made plans to meet up and have lunch which lasted a couple of hours but when you haven’t had stimulating and thought provoking conversation it is very refreshing. Call it a date or just a meeting up with a new friend or whatever it was; it was just nice to be around someone that was peaceful, calm and an intelligent; no phones or anything just good food and conversation! After that we kept in contact and got closer on a mental level and things got interesting!

Soon August came and I was still adjusting to single life and not in a bad way. I was enjoying my time, freedom and space I had and of course the companionship of my cats Joey and Aset aka Fric & Frac. My ex had until the end of September to get the rest of his belongings out of my townhouse so we both could respectfully go on with our lives. In the mist of that I found out that shortly after ending our 2 year relationship he was already dating ( insert hard af eye roll!) his friend. I eventually said to him “ well damn you couldn’t wait until you were fully out to start dating?” and his response was “ listen I just want to move on and be happy and I can’t think about how anyone feels!” I said calmly “ I said it’s ok my bad I forgot you don’t have any respect for me or the situation. You are going to reap everything you sow I promise you that. Just make sure you come get your things!” Being upset my intuition kicked in and said “you know who to call”. My initial thought was like “nah I am not calling him” so I ended up texting him and later he answered back with “ I'm listening…” To have someone take the time to hear and listen to you; express that genuine concern was uplifting and let me know that he is someone that I can trust and he would give honest feedback. It was nice to see what I would give to my friends was actually being returned to me in a small and simple things. After we ended our conversation I felt so much better and it really put my mind at ease. In that interaction, I learned some things about myself and can feel the change happening. I was eagerly anticipating the end of September and when it came I was thrilled because I was truly able to close that chapter out and not look back. I sat in my living room and shed some tears of joy over the fact that my ex was someone who took advantage and at times played the victim and reminded me of exactly what I do not want in my life. So in the midst of my joy, I texted my friend to let him know and his response was “ I am happy for you!” I knew in that back of my mind the real work is about to start!

In those two months the phrase that I have always had in the back of my mind was “ leave people in a better condition than how you found them.” And as I looked at what I came through I knew God saw everything and that my blessings would flow because of how I treated people regardless of how they mistreated me. I couldn’t let how people treated me change anything about me and stick to what works best for me. I started loving myself a little harder and deeper- making sure I kept a healthy workout routine and balance between working my regular gig, running my art business, advertising for my first book and writing four more books in the process. Heading into October I had to prepare myself only for the simple fact that over the last 3 to 4 years October became a significant month of change for me. Sometimes the changes were sweet and sometimes bitter depending on what was going. However, October did not disappoint me in the least and I had accepted the fact that I had grown to essentially fall for my friend. At first I was mad at myself because that was never the intent and I just wanted to be his friend. What sucks is that you can’t fight attraction or chemistry even on your best day! So instead of me fighting it I simply embraced and just flowed as much as possible. Things for a while were touch and go between me and my friend so I eventually decided to just refocus on the things I wanted for myself. I made the promise to myself to be single for a year to truly work on me inside and out that started on July 15. I couldn’t afford to have any distractions including my feelings for my friend interfere.

In that time, I was put into a situation where I did the right thing but in the end I started to get harassed quite a few times in less than 3 months. I felt like I couldn’t get the help that I needed and my general high anxiety kicked in and I no longer felt comfortable or safe in my own home. I had worked so hard on maintaining balance and this situation called me to go deeper than ever before. I was presented with several different tests within that situation and I learned just how restilent I was and the resources I had available. When the last incident occurred at the end of January my intuition kicked in once again and said “ reach out to your friend.” I hesitated greatly because we hadn’t talked in a long time and he was pretty far and couldn’t do anything. So I trusted my intuition and reached out to him. Even with him being far from me he checked up on me to make sure I was good and provided some sound suggestions that I could look into. I know he wanted to do more and to ease his mind I thanked him for caring and doing what he could. I am thankful for the simple fact that he cared enough even though our situation was not ideal. I am never the one to take anything for granted and grateful for the tests I passed even though some of them had me like “WTF?!?!” Eventually, I knew that I would have to move to a safe area and I started the task of finding an apartment. So I did a few things to help: I meditated and asked to be guided on where to look and asked for signs that I was going in the right direction. One thing is for certain my patience grew significantly and I learned another level of emotional intelligence in dealing with people including my friend. It even helped me build a bigger and deeper respect for myself. I made necessary changes here and there in order for me not just to be a better person but also a better wife for my future husband whoever God deemed that to be. God directed me to locate an apartment that was not only perfect in price and location but introduced me to a woman who understood my situation and after three days and viewing my apartment I finally felt like I found my new home and it was everything I needed it to be. Of course me being into spirituality and numerology my new home address equaled out to the number 11 which was definitely the sign that I needed! I packed up everything and moved with the help of my dad, brother and mother.

Over the next few weeks in February, I was able to transition smoothly and my cats adjusted nicely. I learned how much I truly valued my peace and how I cannot let anyone no matter how they feel project whatever they are feeling onto me. I hold myself accountable for everything and I chin check those around me if needed. I normally do not celebrate Valentine’s Day for the simple fact that love should be given everyday and not just one day. That particular week I reached out to my friend because we both lost our grandfathers a day and 2 years apart. He was on my mind and I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone in how he felt. I am the type of person where I do not care what has happened. I never like to see anyone being down or hurting, especially when it comes to losing a loved one. I learned exactly how much I am able to put any or all differences aside and see the bigger picture. Then going into March and the damn COVID-19 everything changed because I lost my brother on March 22nd. That changed everything for me and how I deal with people and when people have access to me. I thought about how my brother lived his life and how he handled things. I was thankful that we healed old wounds and were able to move forward. I learned so much from him in life and in death that I made my boundaries even stronger and even cut family out that was detrimental to my peace and energy and not made any apologies for it. Some liked and others did not but I didn’t care because at the end of the day it was my life and no one can live it for me. There was just certain shit I was not dealing with period! I learned to stand up for myself even more because if given the chance people will walk all over you and take advantage of your kindness and energy.

Towards the end of March and going into April I was looking to mend things with my friend who by this time I grew to love and cherish but I guess the Universe had other plans ( insert shoulder shrug). So I continued to press forward, focused on me and my art show in the coming months. Everything quickly turned to working from home, quarantine life etc and it gave me an opportunity to reflect heavily in all areas of my life. I was proud that I was able to keep a promise to myself to stay single and reframed from all sexual activity because my energy is just too precious to share with just anybody. I decided that it was going to be reserved for the one that is worthy of me- all of me in its entirety! If you think about it, that is something that is unheard of in this day and age because so many people want instant gratification or what I like to call it the “microwave effect” or hot and ready like Caesars. If you want something long lasting you have to put the work in and hold yourself responsible for what you do and do not do. Do not listen to the opinions of others because it is your life experience and not theirs. Remembering what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive and what feeds your soul. Get sound advice from those that have their feet planted on the ground and not above their heads. Learn how to use the fear that may come up as fuel to motivate and push you. Realize you cannot run from what is destined to be yours and embrace that unknown like a warm blanket. Understand that everyone is a different adventure, no one is the same and never compare them to anyone in the past.

Now coming into the home stretch and my birthday month! By this time I was happy with the changes that I made thus far but the tip of the iceberg was soon to emerge and boy I didn’t know how. The day before my birthday I never expected it to go the way it did and what occurred needed to happen in order for me to see essentially aka another test! It took me by surprise and then I knew what I had to do and to my dismay I was left with no choice- I walked away from my friend to give him time and space. I didn’t take anything personal but the timing wasn’t ideal and I didn’t hold it against him either. People grow and mature at different rates and some need time to face themselves and check their egos at the door. It didn’t stop me from doing what I had set up for myself and actually put more fuel for my fire. He motivated me even more as he had done over the last few months. If anything I should tell him thank you for the push and numerous challenges he presented because I got to know and see me in another way and it also let me know that me walking away wasn’t a forever thing but it reinforced when you love someone you give them the time and space to heal. That speaks to another level of caring and being understanding so am I going to say that I wasn’t mad but more disappointed. However, disappointment can be changed and a sincere apology works miracles. Everyone needs healing in a way some more than others and sometimes it takes walking away for both parties to see.

So May came and went and we finally arrived in June, good thing is I started to branch out to try new things like archery and Tai Chi in order to focus more and quiet my mind even more! It also provided me with something else to do and realized you cannot be afraid to try new things even if you have to do it alone, just go and do it anyway. June also showed me how much I truly need to be self-employed and get ready to venture into the next stage of my business and branching out. On the other hand, things with my friend could be better and I just want to reconcile and go from there but everything is going to happen in time and I am praying for it everyday. Which brings me to today the day before my year of being single maybe comes to an end because who knows because anything is possible. One thing's for sure my journey was never boring and I learned so much about myself and others. I can say that over the year I helped someone become better and happier but my friend who played such a huge role didn't even realize it because I never got the chance to tell him and properly thank him. I am reminded of something he said in one of his snaps” you can give advice to a thousand people as long as you make a difference in one person’s life it’s worth it.” Onto the next chapter in my 11th year...

Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey. As always remember to be kind to yourself and others and remember to #LiveLifePositive.