Months of April, May & June: Skip the Dating Pool Go to the Solo Jacuzzi Tub

Hello to all my new fellow readers and thank you to those that continue to rock with ya girl through these interesting times that we are living in. No one said there was a rule book or syllabus to follow so we are just winging it per usual. Took a rather short break from writing blogs to focusing on my video blog so now I am jumping between the two. As I always stated my disclaimer is simply this: I am not an expert on you, that's your job. I am merely here to share my experiences, wisdom I learned from others in the hopes of helping someone make better decisions in life and how to put their best foot forward even when it comes to stumbling blocks from time to time. If I can help someone then I know my living is not in vain. We are all here to learn from each other and win in the most authentic way possible.

It’s funny how I come up with some of the titles for my blogs but this one definitely hits more close to home. We have all been hearing for the longest time that there is “pee in the dating pool” and honestly there is more than just that! Feel free to cringe at any time because I know I sure did. I have never been a big fan of dating and anyone that knows me knows how true it is. I remember having a conversation with a dear friend of mine about dating. I said to her that there are three types of people that date: the ones that do not know what they want, the ones that want something casual and then the ones are intentional dating for a purpose that leads to marriage. After that conversation, I started looking at things a little differently and realized that those that are “pretending” to be dating never knew what they wanted because they do not know themselves. They are just looking to contaminate the pool even more and then I realized that I am going to completely remove myself from it and head to the Jacuzzi. So many are just looking to fill a void that can only be healed and filled by them and no one else. Most have stopped having real conversations with themselves and just put all that unnecessary baggage on the next person they meet.

One of the phrases that has been coming to mind more frequently is “ if you want to be taken seriously, then get serious.” And I honestly can't take anyone serious when their energy, words and actions are not in alignment. Am I the only one that feels this way because I refuse to settle? It's just not in me to settle for just anybody when my soul is craving something higher and more exclusive. You know you can only meet people as far as they have met themselves. The current dating pool is really showing that most folks don’t have a damn clue and fall into that people pleasing mind frame instead of taking the road less traveled (that could mean different things to anyone so don’t take it personal!) I believe in taking a break from dating and refocusing on self. I have come across folks that have a difficult time enjoying their single-hood for the simple fact that they don’t want to sleep alone and would rather go back to a comfort zone with someone that does not mean them any good on any type of level and just want to show that they have someone. Do you think they even realize how high of a price that is? Probably not because they are looking for instant gratification with a serious lack of connection.

From my personal experiences, I chose to be celibate at one point and time for 7 years and then again for 3 years because my peace and pH balance was worth more than hitting the skins with someone that had no intentions of going further. It was a deep personal choice for me because the quality I was desiring I was not finding it so I put the focus on me and my self-development. (Sidebar: Celibacy is an individual choice and if you decide to go that make sure it is for the right and healthy reasons I am just saying!) I quickly exited the dating pool stage left and didn’t look back. Being old school, I enjoyed meeting people when I was out and about but once COVID hit that changed everything and then entered online dating. Not for nothing then and now I still cringe at the thought of doing that and it still does not interest me. So I leave all the Tinder swinder etc stuff to the experts and just enjoy the funny shit that happens through the stories I come across. Before you get on me, I know a few people who were successful at meeting people through online dating and are now happily married and I love that for them. But as for me, I am just going to roll with waves and see where it takes me. What may work for one may not work for another and that’s OK but a helpful perspective is always welcomed.

I came across a podcast not too long ago that talked about the different dating pools and how each one has people going in and out of them ( the super single pool, the “I I am with someone” pool but got a side boo etc remember judgment free zone but even that is way too much for the kid! LOL) It comes down to the point of making the decision whether or not to keep testing the numerous dating pools or just go straight to the solo Jacuzzi tub to really focus on what you want. I remember we are not responsible for what we attract but we are responsible for what we entertain. I believe to get into more of the intentional mindset of what you truly want, time alone is needed, is healthy and can be beneficial depending on how you use it. Put a pen in that and know being alone and lonely are two different things so make sure you fully understand and comprehend the difference between the two. And for everything that is holy don’t listen to folks when they give the unsolicited advice of “ in order to get over someone get under another person!” That right there is toxic af and can cause long lasting damaging effects!

On that note, take care and be careful if you decide to swim in, out and through all these crazy dating pools because as for me I am going to continue to grow and develop in the solo Jacuzzi and ease my way into the greatness that God has for me. Remember that it takes nothing to blend in and takes everything to stand out. Be good to yourself as well as to others and always #LiveLifePositive 🧘